Facebook: You're a Sneaky Little B*tch..

It's been awhile.. and for that I am sorry. It's not that I don't have anything to write about; it's that nothing has really struck a chord with me that has sent me flying to my keyboard...............................until NOW.

Facebook sure can stir up some kind of emotion...Especially when I am suuuuuper bored and I take the time to strategically read the posts and look at the newly posted pics--then I remember someone or see them on someone's wall and of course navigate away from the page I was initially on, and before I know it, I am sitting 1st class on a direct flight to cyberville, USA... looking at an acquaintance from High School's wife's sister's daughter's 2 year old birthday party.......?!?!?!?! REALLY. Like, I seriously backed away from my computer and shut down Facebook. There's no way that I should be this deep into someone else's life who has NO idea who I am. It was scary...

So, obviously when you're on Facebook you run across people you used to know, people you dated, people you liked, your past 'enemies', etc. I have actually maintained pretty good restraint in not lurking on people's pages (people of interest we will call them) sometimes though you just DO it. You let yourself get to that page...

When I got to those pages today, I didn't go to the emotion I may have gone to year(S) ago, I went to the reminiscent emotion, thinking about that time in my life aside from that particular person. It's a trip...
I started thinking about what car I had back then, where I went, who I was hanging out with, what my weekends consisted of, what I was wearing, my hair, my tan, my weight, How old was my sister? What was my relationship with my parents like at that time? Was I drinking then? Was I smoking? Which of my friends was I the closest to at this point in my life? What songs were out? It's a lot to take in, and then .. .Kings of Leon came on the radio, and made me feel like I was in a movie as I was sifting through the pages/photos.
I started to look at the recent photos of these people and they don't even look the same, their GF or fiance, or wife are nothing what I ever pictured them being with... they weren't the kind of women I compared myself to during sleepless nights post-break up. Enter KC & JoJo, Selena, Babyface, and Lit songs here...

I sat in my chair and felt really silly... putting myself back into that time, back into those emotions, and wishing DESPERATELY I could go back and have this moment of clarity: then. I guess that's the point though.. life doesn't have do- over's. It's just weird to think that you were a part of people's lives for so long, and then poof! You are gone.. they're gone. The world you lived in is no longer... and I can thankfully say: THANK GOD.

When I was asking all those questions above, like where I was at in my life at that time.... the answers weren't good. They weren't good in comparison to how great my answers are now. There's a reason why your past is your past, and it WILL haunt you if you don't meet it at the front door with an axe to hack apart, and bury. That's what I realized today... the people from your past (the ones that haven't been in your present and definitely won't be in your future) need to be let go: completely. Visit the page, take a look, have a mental trip, and move on. Don't act like I'm a Facebook stalker either.. cause we've all done it.

Be happy for where your 'page' is at.. be it there or not. Are the answers to your questions better now, or were they better back then? Think about it.. and if they were better then... why? What were you doing then that made your answers better? If it's now that your answers are better, how are they better? What can you do to maintain? And how can you make them better?

I am really happy to see that it took me 15 minutes to jump into a time machine, have a mental trip, shake it off, and see clearer. I think you know life is good when you can look at your past and thank God ...it is what it is: the past.

I love my family more than ever, myself, my friends, my man.. and everything that concerns those 4 things. I feel really lucky that I'm mid twenties and have certain things figured out... so that way as I get older all the new s*it has somewhere to be stored! hahahah

Make it a great day... for real.

Stoop or Grow Up?

The older I get the more I realize that it takes a tougher, more disciplined person to be silent in moments of debate, argument, or even casual conversation...

But DAMN IT ALL.. .it is SO hard sometimes!

So... I've just given my two weeks notice to this company, we'll call it Job 1.I've chosen a different job over Job 1, even after Job 1 sought me out to come on full time, etc. My immediate supervisor was not happy about it. In fact it was written on her face and heard in her tone when I told her. All she said to me was "I have a lot of holes to fill now, and I'm happy for you... and that's all I'm gonna say." She said it in this tone like she was holding back, as if she wanted to tell me "How can you do this?" The reason I am going to the other job and the way I presented it to HR was done SO well.. and ultimately it's MY choice, right?

Yesterday I was 15 minutes late-- I really wanted to shower, and put makeup on. I am not forgoing cleanliness for punctuality: I called my immediate supervisor to let her know.

So let's fast forward to today... This morning I was running late-- that's pretty standard. I can be on time when I want to, but recently I've been refusing to rush getting ready and creating a bad start to my day... so I opt to be just a few minutes late to work, ha! This tardiness is is usually 3-5 minutes after 7:30am. I've made comments before about my tardiness to my supervisor and it's never been seen or spoken of as a big deal, as long as it's just a couple minutes here and there, which it has been.

So here I am, running behind because I wanted to look cute. I feel better when I look better. I am calculating in my head that I'll be 10 minutes late... then, just as I am in the middle of PYT by Michael Jackson and singing myself into the best day ever...  I get a text....................................... "R u on your way?" and it's my immediate supervisor from Job 1! F*CK.. seriously?? Why would you do that? To let me know that you know that I'm late... again. How about this? I don't care, and I think texting an employee when they're under 10 minutes late "R u on your way?" is really dumb and unprofessional. Let's be honest: I answer phones and work on projects... I am not running late for brain surgery or a liver transplant. This really fired me up. The text.. it all makes sense now right?? She's mad, or has a hang up because I am leaving, I'm late (probably thinks I am getting short timer's syndrome) and all she was trying to do was call me out. Plain and simple.

Is this all in my head? Who out there has been a supervisor? Would you text an employee who is under 10 minutes late? If they only had a week and some change left at your place of employment? And you know their work load, as you are the one that gives it to them, you know there isn't anything super time sensitive to be done??

Anyways, so I get to my desk after the text fiasco and rage has set in, and there's an e-mail from the girl who comes in at noon at Job 1 and relieves me when I got to Job 2. She's nice...

She smokes heavily on her way into work and then attempts to cover it up with a Victoria's Secret body splash-- bringing out the smell more and resulting in a really bad sense overload, but she's nice...

She was a little upset, I think, that I got offered the initial FT position (although I didn't see her exactly reaching for the stars...reaching for a carton of Malboros maybe, but not the stars..) so I turn down the job offer and she (through default) is now going to be full time. Gosh, I sound awful don't I?? I hope you all know this is for entertainment's sake too... ! Moving on: So I check my e-mail and she has written this to me:

Hey girl,

Just wanted to let you know if you wanted to take off a couple days early to your new job, you know I am here to cover. I know when you give your 2 weeks it seems to drag  by. 

WOW! Ok Cujo calm down.. I just put in my two weeks! I know you're ready to make some money, but c'mon... 

I'm not sure if she knows it's a little distasteful to leave earlier than your reported two weeks? Well, it doesn't surprise me, so anyways-- unbeknown to her I was already fit to be tied and replied:

It's normally not looked upon highly to leave earlier than your two weeks.

If anything changes; I'm sure Job 1 will be the first to let you know. 

 Yeah... ouch... and there's no recall... oh well. 

So this whole blog was really therapeutic for me, if you couldn't tell. And I promise though that these stories tie into the blog title and intro. 

I feel like my immediate supervisor stooped a little.. she might be a little upset that I've caused her some more work, or I don't know, but she stooped.

And in the case of Malboro lady, she was probably just trying to be nice, offered a helping hand, and maybe had a little agenda, but out of niceness nonetheless, and I basically acted superior to her... I needed to grow up in that instance.

Reacting the right way is so hard sometimes.. 

Will we ever get a grip on ourselves?? 

 

“The thing with pretending you're in a good mood is that sometimes you can."

I've had this lingering mood since Monday evening-- started with a stomach ache and ended with this fatigue and very small tolerance for: everything.

I have NO reason to feel the way I do; there's nothing going on in my life that isn't fixable, or changeable, or really that bad, for corn's sake! I usually can remind myself of this and crawl out of the dark, damp hole where all my negativity is temporarily stored, and I can reach up high and grab a piece of sunshine, like a stick of butter, and turn things around...! Sometimes, though, I can't! For example, this morning I texted my boyfriend (after screening his call) and warned that I was I like a heat seeking missile for anything I can put my grumpy little paws on. Naturally, he said something sweet and I opted to call him (he was warned!) of course this is after I screamed F*******CCKK...!! As loud as I could in my car when I missed the traffic light that determines my tardiness to work. He and I talked and I rattled off 3 things that pissed me off within the short hour I was awake-- it wasn't fair, so I stopped talking, sucked it up, and we ended our conversation on a slightly positive note...ha! So why do I feel like this? I am upset that I can't seem to defeat this. I worked for a company that surrounded me with hugely, positive people and I learned a lot of stress relieving techniques...but I didn't have the TIME to do any of this... I was rushing on my way to work.. feeling unmotivated.. what do I do?

An amazing friend of mine suggested I write about this mood I'm having, and I thought I'd do some research on how to get myself out of this mood (new techniques) and some ol' faithfuls-- upon doing that I can safely say I am almost 89% over MYSELF. After this list though, I want to add some personal hang ups that I think I can no longer keep in my temporary hole of doom.. and I believe these things compile the key to my 115% complete happiness. So here is the list, in my own words, but borrowed from a few places:

1. Recall something or someone who makes you happy and think or daydream about it/him/her. I like to imagine a night sitting around with my family and making fun of one another (mostly we pick on my dad), or laughing with my boyfriend in the car some point during the weekend.
2. Find something or someone you are grateful for and express your gratitude to yourself, or to that person(s). I may be in a crappy mood sometimes, but my good/grateful moods can be so moving. I've actually CRIED multiple times while driving home, or along the PCH thinking about how lucky I am, and how far my family and I have come.
3. Stay in the present. Appreciate the mundane by focusing on the activities you do without thinking like eating, bathing, walking. Take note of how good the water feels in the shower, how soft or hard the ground feels on your feet as you walk or just silently eat your meal and really taste it. This kind of goes along with my example above.
4.    Be compassionate toward yourself. Forgive yourself. Love yourself as you are now. This helps to open you to the flow of universal energy, which is supportive, nurturing, and very stabilizing. Pure and simple: realize you are amazing.
5.    Get Out of Bed—Again. Lawrence Biscontini, MA, says if he steps out of bed in a bad mood, he’ll try, try again. “I get back into the bed and lie down for a moment or two to shift my perception,”  “Then I make that translate into movement as I get up in a different way: either on another side of the bed, from the bottom edge of the bed or from the same spot as before, but hopping, jumping or sliding to the floor.”
6.    Create a Good Morning. Help ensure that you don’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed, by considering your morning routine. Include things in your morning routine that will get your day off to a good start, not just going through the motions. Think of something that you really enjoy doing in the morning, and figure out a way to incorporate it. For example, I love to take my time getting ready.. I like to listen to music and relax, but I am always in a rush and don't have a radio in my bathroom. I am going to get a clock radio in my shower and a new candle to light to create a more relaxing atmosphere.
7.    Change What’s Bugging You. The only way you can change your mood is to make active attempts to do so. Instead of dwelling on dark or low energy emotions, try to focus your thoughts on coming up with solutions. For example, if the sound of your alarm clock makes you feel like blowing it to pieces, don’t continuously think about how much you hate your alarm clock. Instead, think about what type of sound you would like to hear or how you'd like to be woken in the morning. Then make a plan to get a new alarm clock or wake-up product.

#7 sits pretty heavy with me.. and just as I got done listing WHY it does.. my computer froze and I lost everything I wrote, so I am taking it as sign to keep it to myself. I will write my personal list of things to change to ensure I am sleeping better, waking up better, exercising more, and ditching these, although infrequent, crappy moods!

I hope this post might help someone today, or just let someone know...we

all become prisoners of our thoughts sometimes..

Super Bowl Sunday Vs. Porn Sunday...

All of us know this Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday... XLV! One of my first memories as a kid was Super Bowl Sunday when I lived in Northern California and the 49'ers were in it...1990-1991? I am looking forward to the game; even if I don't care for either of the teams in it. That's not what I'm talking about today though... I wanted to spice up this otherwise bland Tuesday morning, and elaborate on something I heard on the radio, and then researched...

PORN SUNDAY

There is a new movement being hosted by 300 churches across the United States called "Porn Sunday," that is taking place this Sunday. The movement is to help those struggling with porn. These churches are coming together to talk about the 'all things sexual' attitude that America has. This is a picture they have on their site:

This movement actually has former and current pro football players backing it: Jon Kitna, Matt Hasselbeck, Ryan Pickett, Josh McCown and some guy named Craig who started this 'XXXChurch' concept. They are using the phrase "talking about the elephant in the pew," and helping those who struggle with porn or sex addiction bring the issue out from underneath the rug it's usually swept under. Crazy huh??!!......... Well, of course my 1st thought was "of course Hasslebeck is doing this!" his crazy, debutant, pearl necklace touting sister-in-law probably put him up to it... meanwhile they are probably part of some undercover kiddy porn ring... ugh, they disgust me...and Hasselbeck plays for the Seattle Sea Hags... maybe Carroll should take a couple pointers on winning from Tiger and pop in a few clips... bow-chicka-bow-wow.... ok, moving on...

Porn Sunday, we get the concept-- now let me tell you what the radio station was talking about. They weren't exactly backing that movement, but they wanted to bring up some different views on porn, men, and women. They were saying that a man is wired to be visually appealed to by pornography, that it's something they (as men) can get way more involved in than women... I can totally understand this-- they then go on to say that a man can't be a leader in his home, community, or church if he watches pornography....................now, I am not married, nor do I have children, nor am I super involved in the church, so I can't really lend an informed opinion on any of this... I just want to talk about it. The show goes on to say that pornogrpahy creates a false sense of what a woman really is... if anyone has 'accidentally' come across a porn before than you know that the women don't exaclty look like anyone in my facebook pics... generally it's fake chesticles, completely hairless bodies, extensions (usually blonde in color), tons of makeup, etc... and my knowing this doesn't mean anything.. pornstars are all over the news, tv, etc... do you know who Charlie Sheen is?.. ok... so they are saying that these women I described above are creating a false sense of what a real woman is, and the sexual things that go on in a porn don't go on (normally) in a marriage thus a man who watches porn becomes sexually desensitized in his marriage and becomes bored-- creating problems! Isn't that sad?? I never thought about it that way!! Notice I use marriage a lot in reference to these issues.. b/c..I promote monogomy... fo' life.

So with all that being said... will you all be at a Porn Sunday church venue...?? Or somewhere watching the Super Bowl?? hahhaah I have only had 1 comment on 3 blogs so far... I am looking for some feedback on this topic! Here's the website for the movement http://xxxchurch.com/getinvolved/x3events/pornsunday.html 

See what you think.............. Happy Boobsday... oops... Tuesday!